Q: What do I do if I am attracted sexually to a person of the same sex? View
A: Enter into the process we suggest in the LFL books (Dangerous Men and Unveil) about learning to live Lust Free. Work through identity, celebration of sexuality, warfare, forgiveness, and healing issues. This is a good starting point. Check out some resources that address same sex attraction like www.homosexuality101.com and www.exodus.to. Find a person in your area that can help you engage the root causes of your desires biblically. As you enter into this process surround yourself with people who are loving and supportive. this needs help…
Q: Do women really struggle with lust? I thought just men did. View
A: Absolutely. God created both men and women as sexual beings. If He hadn’t, sex would be quite an awkward exchange wouldn’t it!? Obviously the way a man and woman’s body, mind and spirit work, looks a little different but they are both sexual. Our sexuality (man or woman) is a powerful, amazing and holy part of us because it is a reflection of the image of God. Because sexuality and sexual desire is a good thing and a reflection of God’s love when it is pure and holy, the enemy will work hard to distort, pervert and defeat it. Women have sexual desires as well. This is a good thing, but then the enemy creeps in there to deceive, entice and tempt and all the sudden a good and natural desire has now become something that we as women now feel like we NEED. It is easy to understand lust when you look at it from the perspective of being something you desire naturally becoming something you feel you need. When we feel we NEED something, we will selfishly do what we have to do to get that need "met." An example is the huge desire a woman has to feel chosen. This could easily be a beautiful desire, but as she looks at the world around her and chalks herself up to every other woman, she will quickly and lustfully begin to use her body to entice men to get that need met. Make sense?
Q: How can I "celebrate my sexuality" if I am not having sex? View
A: We must begin to understand that God has created all things and His creation is good! We are sexual from the day we are conceived. We are sexual until the day we die. Sexuality is about more than having sexual intercourse. Celebrating sexuality is about thanking God for the intricate way he wired us. Being excited about the opposite sex because of a sexual attraction can be an opportunity to worship God. We will experience the most freedom from lust when we acknowledge our sexuality and our sexual desires are from God (celebrate that) and move on knowing that not all sexual desires need to be fulfilled at all times. Somehow we have gotten deceived into thinking that because we have a desire that it automatically needs fulfillment. The desire for sex, sexual intimacy, sexual stimulation, etc, are all desires God intended us to have. Thank you God! Celibate or married, desires fulfilled or unfulfilled, we can give thanks in all circumstances because being a sexual person is a good thing.
Q: Is it possible to stop looking at porn? View
A: Yes. Pornography is addictive—it’s the "crack cocaine" of sexual sin, according to some therapists. Like any addiction or compulsive, self-soothing behavior, looking at pornography and masturbating feels good, so it is tempting to repeat it again and again for all sorts of reasons: stress relief, depression, anxiety, feelings of inferiority, or just plain sexual arousal. Spiritually, lusting and masturbating creates sinful strongholds in our minds. If our sins go unconfessed, Satan can use these strongholds to tempt, accuse, and shame us.
Good thing we belong to the Most High God, a true Warrior (see Exodus 15:3). Nothing is impossible for Him, and nothing is impossible for us through Christ. We know that God’s will is that we avoid sexual immorality, including pornography (see 1 Thess. 4:3). So the battle looks like this: a defeated, fallen angel and his subordinates, the world which he rules as a prince, and our own sinful habits (the flesh) versus the Creator of heaven and earth, His Son the victorious Jesus Christ, and His Holy Spirit as our Counselor. If we remain in Christ, the victory is assured.
Q: What does the Bible say about masturbation? View
A: Nothing. The Bible isn’t shy about addressing sexual sin: it condemns bestiality, homosexuality, prostitution, incest, adultery, and fornication (see Leviticus 18). Jesus taught that if you look at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery with her in your heart (Matt. 5:28). Most of us today find it difficult to separate masturbation and lust because we have always associated the two.
Q. How far is too far with my girlfriend or boyfriend? View
A: Let’s be honest: this is the wrong question. It’s another way of asking: "What can I get away with?" And it’s dangerous. Instead, God calls us to complete and radical purity. So the right question is, how pure is too pure? Try this: sit down with your boyfriend or girlfriend and decide exactly how much sexual sin you want in your relationship. Seriously. Do you want a little sin to make it exciting? Maybe some sexual sin on special occasions? Remember this one rule though: sin leads to death (Rom. 6:16).
Q: How do I fight spiritually against lust in my life? View
A: You need to realize that as a child of God who is seated with Christ in the heavenly places, you have the authority to resist the devil as you submit to God (Eph 2:6, James 4:7, Matt. 10:1). As a child of God, you are armed with weapons not of this world—weapons that have divine power to demolish strongholds and any argument or suggestion that is contrary to the knowledge of God (2 Cor. 10).
Here’s an example. You have been up late studying for a test the next day. As you lie in bed, the thought comes into your mind: "I would sleep a lot better if I looked at porn and masturbated right now." The source of the thought is dubious; maybe it’s your flesh, maybe you are recalling a sexy image from TV, maybe it is entirely demonic. Really, the source doesn’t matter. The thought is contrary to the knowledge of God, so you need to take it captive and make it obedient to Christ. So you pray (out loud): "In Jesus’ name, I reject (name the lustful thought) and the temptation to lust right now. I am a child of God, and the evil one can’t touch me" (1 John 5:18). Now the thought is captive. That means, out of the fight.
Q: Why should I be seeking purity in my life? View
A: Because the pure in heart will see God. Also, purity precedes power. Check out these passages:
- Acts 19: 18-20
- 2 Chronicles 25:19
- Joshua 7:11-13
- Joshua 8: 25-28
- Hosea 8:5
- Matthew 5:8
Q: How do I become accountable to other people? View
A: The good news is everyone needs an accountability partner. The bad news is it may be uncomfortable the first time you bring up the topic of sexual sin. In this spiritual struggle we need someone to watch our backs and fight beside us. Ask yourself: if I were really in a battle against a demonic force, who would I want in my regiment? Grab a trusted Christian friend or group of friends and tell them what you’re thinking. Decide to be “fighting partners.” Chances are very good that they are struggling just like you and would love to have someone to fight with.
Q: My teenage son has many struggles with online pornography. Does your program work for a father & son to go through one on one? View
A: The short answer is yes, absolutely.
The long answer is that it is not a program, it is the beginning of a process that hopefully will last a lifetime. It is two tools (workbooks) that help get the process of Lust Free Living, or purity process going. I know of a several young men who found so much freedom from this beginning that they went home from college and took their dad through it. Now that says a lot for the son and for the relationship they have. I also know of fathers who have gone through it with their sons. Because it causes you to be very honest and vulnerable with each other it is a difficult and wonderful process to start with your son. It requires that you be open and honest with your past and present sexual struggles so that your son may learn from your example. I think it would be ideal if you could find a friend of your sons who would be willing to go through it with you and his father. That way the fathers could pair up and the sons could pair up sometimes.
It is written to use in a small group like that but a group of two would be okay but not ideal. I would not do it with out the Coaching Guide and videos, they set the bar for honesty and give you lots of good ideas. Make sure you order the young men's videos and coaching guide and not the married men's version.